Here she is, Emelia Marie!Which means, obviously, that I didn't manage to write between week 20 and now...with her a month old already. Wow.
Having a kid is both awe inspiring and unreal. Which in some ways is all part of the same thing. Here I was, sitting around and doing nothing, while my body decided to keep working on this little piece of biology. She came out naturally, whoa and of course, and is here to stay. Her own little piece of reality, superimposed onto my life and my husband's.
Isn't she adorable? yeah, so who can come over and take her from 1am to 3am? Because that's when she sucks. Screams, inconsolably, typically every night. Sometimes, if we're lucky, it's just fussy time. Othertimes, it's horrid and longer. Yesterday was a nightmare, as I decided after a week off to reintroduce dairy. NOT a good idea. Can someone explain to me how the dairy proteins pass directly into the milk and irritate her tiny system? Because they do, yet it makes zero sense to me. From what I've read, lactose can be a problem even from the breastmilk itself. Wacky. Why would we evolve to be allergic to mother's milk?? As in many cases, the human body is just wacky says me.
So little miss here has a gas problem. We're not proud. If she, however, could master the power of the belch, man o man we'd be stylin! But no. Emelia here is a friggin LADY. Whodda thunk it? We congratulate her for every belch and fart, so we're doing our best to influence her to be more like her parents...whatever you do, say 'excuse me', and like a Catholic at confession it's all better.
What I think is the most amazing to me is the generosity a baby inspires in others. We have received gifts via internet friends (thanks Erika!), family, patient acquaintances, work associates, and our landlord. Grandparents alone are going to keep this girl clothed for the rest of her life...I am slowly getting used to pink burning my eyes (sorry Cookie). Financially, with me starting up school again in the fall, life is very interesting in these parts, but eve there I think we'll be ok. We don't have to buy her any clothes for 9 months, due to influx of gifts, so that helps too!
Emotionally, I have been a pain in the butt to all who know me. My friends (including my sister) and my dear husband have suffered my irrational crying and fears. My Bleen has been an all-day every-day companion via IM, aiding me in my sanity. Poor girl. hope that one day I can help another mother at least half as much as my circle has been helping me. I know that being a mom is what I always wanted, like forever and ever, but right now, I feel lost.
Perhaps soon things will settle in and begin to make a smidgen of sense. I want to love this life, find the "shiny" so to speak, in motherhood.
And so can it begin? well, for now, another feeding time begins anyway!!
