thanks to Sally

whee! We have these six adorable new outfits (ok, we got them about a month ago) from our cousin, Sally. Thanks!!
Here's my current favorite, sans hat as the battery died. Maybe I'll edit this later.

woo hoo!

what a difference a week makes

Wow.
That's my enlightened observation on the past week, my first full week of classes.
There's a shitton of work for us to do, new terminology to learn/understand/deliver, my apartment is a mess, Emelia shat yesterday like crazy, and ...I am feeling the whelm of Overwhelmed.
I'm going to talk to a professor about helping me to figure out a manageable work-load plan. It's not pretty.

But this is! See how E can touch the ground now? As recently as a week ago, this was not the case. After all that poo (pause a moment to think of my poor sitter) yesterday, I was sure she'd lost weight, but here's a little fact to disprove that theory. (ugh Let's not talk about "theory") Pretty cool, but also frightening that she can grow an extra pound or whatever in a week, enough to stretch herself down an inch to reach the floor and hoppity w/out support.
We're still at work on her sitting without flailing painfully to the floor, and I think she's decided that crawling is for sissies that can't cry to convince a Bigger Human to move them. Lately, E also makes these fish faces when we're eating, like she's trying to eat our steak/cheetos™/beer by proxy. It's funny.

She's napping right now, after a day filled of not-really-napping, and I've managed to read ONE entire 14-page article for school. Let's note that this doesn't put even a scratch in the paint finish on my school work car. ew, not a great metaphor. Anyway, I have a lot of work to do and group project team members would likely appreciate my ass getting some gear on.

Right after I finish staring at my lovely little napping angel...that is, if angels poop.

time marches

It's starting. Had the first two days of orientation, which could be called "Introducing the Program, Fire Safety, and 43 Other Ways to Freak Out". Actually, it was nice to get a gist of the professors, the setting for our theory classes, and where the fridge is. A couple profs and the admin, Maria, also took it upon themselves to help me get situated in a room that I share now with a Research Assistant. I can pump easily and without hassling everyone else in there, and even have a key. Really super cool. The RA is a sweetie, and a 2nd year so it's nice to also have someone to talk to sometimes.

The program load is ridiculous--18 credits. Maybe after it's all said and done I will feel otherwise, but it is going to be hard. Uber suckage hard. The department seems organized and quite supportive, so I guess it's just how life will be for 4 months. After this, the program is supposed to make more sense and settle into a good deal of field work and hands on. Very research heavy, but in order to stay abreast of the newest innovations, I am going to have to really get comfy with research. Eh, I'll try to pretend I'm reading another type of knitting blog!! Maybe I can incorporate knitting into a therapy program somewhere down the road. Oooh the possibilities!
There is a new addition to the dept, a Professor Barocco (I'll find her real spelling later) and her specialty is the connection between Primary Care Givers (often mothers) and their children. I've already talked to her a bit and she seems helpful and cool. This place is full of resources, I tell ya.

Emelia has taken well to her days without me, it seems. Between D and a sitter, she was fine eating the expressed milk by bottle, but when I came home she went right to nursing no problemo. A relief, there.
We're getting her better with sitting up, and she's becoming more and more aware of her environment. Barring her being a Terrible Two someday, I'm excited to watch her grow. Yeah, I said it again, so what? I'm her enthralled mother!!
So here's a treat of her falling around the place, just being completely overwhelmed by shininess and the hiccups (Her feet are on a pillow as she's barely too light to touch the ground. Give her a week.)

Here's one of her sleeping. Because isn't that the cutest? She wakes up with a smile most of the time.

lullaby

Oh, how Emelia loves to hear her Grampa sing! I now have an ace in the hole if she gets fussy, I just have him sing to her over the phone.




M.E. loves being talked to over the phone. I think. She gets all smiley and tries to find the person. With her babbling, it'll be hilarity indeed when she starts talking back!

Countdown to school. We go for the 4 (!) month check up tomorrow, do last minute round up of laundry and errands. And here we are--on our anniversary is Day #1 of our 2-year commitment (takes all 3 of us to do this school thing). Whoo-hoo!

On a fun note, I found an AP group on Ravelry. We're everywhere! I hope to keep my bonding with E up by slinging her when I'm home and studying. I'm hoping that osmosis will keep our connection fresh and she won't feel as alienated as I'm afraid she could be. It will also be easier to do once Chicago goes below 2,482 degrees Fahrenheit!

In a few days, there is yet another Gramma invasion. It will be too short, but it will be dear. Maybe I'll make pie, as requested by the Seester Unit. (*waves*)

ok, now for a bit of studying before I crash out. ciao

bath time

Oh how I'm going to miss this simple pleasure one day. In the meantime, it's happy time!




After this, she seemed sleepy. But then! O noes, she was kick kick kicky until 12.30am.
School is going to be so much fun on 3 hours' sleep.

details

In my eagerness to post last night, all those random thoughts bucking at the gate, I neglected to talk about some of the other fun stuff.
These past weeks, Darrell and I have spent more time working with Emelia in her grabbing, sitting, and crawling. She's been coming along, grabbing at her toys, especially her giraffe and her Paddington rattle. As for sitting, well let's just say she'd rather stand, thanks. Her desire to keep kicking out her legs is interfering with the sitting, but I just remembered my friend Libby's advice to use the boppy cushion for back support. That was fun, watching her eat her doggy book and rolling back and forth. There is definitely more of this to occur today!
Crawling is not going as quickly. D and I find it hilarious that she just rocks around on her belly and her widdle feetses just boing in the air. She's been grabbing at those too, btw. This is really to be expected, as Dr. Sears books say that sitting first, crawling second after the strength in the back develops.

The cats keep checking to see if she can catch them yet. Note her hair on one side is not growing as quickly. Meanwhile, mine is falling out worse than the cats.

What I can't picture here is her new love for her vocal cords. OMG my ears. Every once in a while, maybe after a giggle fest or looking in a mirror, E suddenly shrieks. Then, amazed that she can make the sound, she'll shriek a few more times and laugh.

In a "dare" from the pediatrician, I've also been trying to feed M.E. more. The dare of sorts was that he wanted to see what she could gain before the bottle (of my milk of course) is introduced for the majority of her day. I think we've succeeded, and we're eager to see how she's progressed when we go in for our 4 month check up next Tuesday. You see, at our last visit she had only gained 8 oz over 4 weeks! I found the pacifier to soothe her when feeding is a squirt-fest, but was apparently not trying hard enough for ninja boob (sneaking a swap from silicone to flesh).
At the Attachment Parenting meeting Tuesday, I got some other advice for milk oversupply that I may also incorporate (let it slow down itself using a cloth diaper, hand expressing foremilk, pressing with palm just above the nipple). Then again, as I start to pump tomorrow (!) for school, this whole issue may simply resolve itself. This is where I point out that the company of other women can be great for this motherhood thing--that advice would've been great 2 months ago. O well, E is gaining and our stress is down. Now I just hope to share my experiences and the advice I've received whenever needed. I have been told by Bleen that OTs are used for new moms and preemies with nursing issues!!

hee! we love this woman's posts, and hope Emelia is strongly different like her kid: "I am going to get my ass kicked one of these days, because I just can't seem to stop my mouth. I was walking by a woman whose toddler was stooping to pick up a rock, and the woman said, "No no, we don't touch rocks" and I was like, "Right, we THROW rocks!" She gave me a dirty look and whoops, guess I said that out loud." - mimi smartypants

meetings large and small

This is E in her crib! I'm trying to get used to it in case she starts crawling out of our bed.
Well, it's been awhile. Almost an entire week! Been quite busy, trying to manipulate our lives here to prepare for our next step. Can't believe that Emelia is already 16 weeks AND that I have the nerve to leave her next week when classes begin swinging.

In doing the reading that is already dumped on us (I think of it as training for the Olympics! ha. My eyes are in training anyway) I have already learned some neat-o things. OT is a cool ass field, I must say, and I am excited to be a part of it. I just hope I'm worthy. Takes a lot of creativity and dedication, and let's see what I can do, eh? In the meantime, I gotta get better at note-taking. In that respect, D and I went ahead and purchased a little somethin-somethin that I like to call a tool to enable me to take notes. Tis a Compaq Presario Cseries laptop, and it is a lot lighter than the one I had purloined from Daddio that I used during pre-reqs. It's also shiny and has Vista (cringe). So far, so good.

But who cares about that? Let's talk baby shit! Literally. E has decided that, even though we have upped the frequency of feedings (I do a lot of bait-n-switch with the pacifier) she has downed the number of poos. She is a crazy lady, I tell ya. I guess I'll stop the details at "oh my, that's some shit thar!" and I'm feeling less interested in making pumpkin pie anytime soon...

ew

I finally went to the Attachment Parenting group over at ye olde Be By Baby (of which I have become a fan). I highly recommend these groups to other moms and did so again today. I was so busy feeling overwhelmed, that I did only minor pokings into Mom gatherings. Hung out with a few, chatted with a few friends/family, and even harassed random other mothers in stores and sidewalks. I've even connected with a few other new moms out there, and hopefully have some new friendships because of this new life of ours.
But this group was nice! Babies climbing around, being worn, nursing, all ages. I asked and discussed others' questions and basically enjoyed my mommy self. The bummer of this? All the "see you next month!" statements had to be answered with "nope, can't." I guess I would've only made one other one, back in July, but now my recourse is to strive to fit in a LLL meeting here and there.
I think I can and shall. Updates to show up in my future! But it is a goal.

Alright, Miss E (or "ME" as my Dad likes to call her!) is getting restless and ready for her bedtime. Duty squeaks.

Miss E, being consoled by her Auntie Kristy

uh oh

Looks like we've got ourselves a reader.



(for reference, see Bill Hicks)

improvements

of course:

			You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish
			You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

I'm ready. No, really!

I actually want school to start. You see, the brain is slow, but it gets there. Like taking the 151 bus to get home instead of the Redline: makes every stop instead of zipping through town to the goal. Metaphor, get it? ah, well. At least I'm not majoring in English...and ready to master OT (the goal anyway)

Emelia has had a rough couple of days. Not really "bad" but not as fun as others. Just nap avoidance, not enough poos, and waking up with a cry instead of a giggle. However, she's starting to amuse herself, reach out to toys (loving her giraffe), and can lay and watch a bit more. I will still hold her as much as possible, but this new independence speaks a lot to me about how she's also ready for me to put her in the care of others.
I hope.


Like father, like daughter
On Wednesday, D and I interviewed a very cool chick for possibly watching E in addition to our good friend. It will be such a comfort for us to have someone come to the apartment instead of lugging her out, especially when the weather turns to permanent "ugh". I'm still torn, as I know and trust our friend so well with her care. However, we have to think about logistics. We were quite happy with who we met, and references so far are great. Now just to finish talking to the other possibility (for formality at this point and the "what if"). I am ready to just say hello and start up things. Basically, I'm feeling better about the mixed arrangement overall than just one person who also has a life and worries. One never knows, eh?

Yesterday, we went for a walk after a few errands to drop off some stuff to our new friends' new baby. Got that? (remember: NOT an English major) E had had enough of the bucket, so I pushed the stroller with her in the sling. On the way home, I put her in the stroller again and she fell asleep immediately. Less of the world to see and keep her awake! This was the best nap she had, which led to her crankiness the rest of the night. Today, she's singing again and cooing, after going back to sleep after a surprise awakening by pixie pokes (or something) at 7am. She just finished a nap, and looks ready for something.
Likely, it's poo. Batten down the hatches, boys, cuz it's going to be a big one!

Another improvement on the day? *I* have had coffee and food. Always key. the sun is shining, my mood is good, maybe we'll see an old friend (Chadwick J) this weekend...now if only I could magically clean this place and finish my paperwork. Shazam!! dang. Nothing.

knitting

I started this blog because I was doing a knitting exchange.

eh?

Yeah, I need knitting in my life, methinks more often. I spend a LOT of time reading knitting blogs, does that get me partial karma credit?

Obligatory photo:
oh yeah, THIS is why I don't have time to knit. She's on my lap now, sleeping, so I can type but the needles poke her. le sigh.
The cats are also in and out and around and through any projects I work on. Here they are, before the little pink thing invaded their calm, unsuspecting lives. Oh wait, they rarely embody "calm".

wax on, wax off

She really really likes being outside. This was by the lake off Montrose harbor last Friday with D and his mom.

Today has been one of those days, one where my hormones are in a tumble. Blargh...

Emelia and I slept in, while D had to run to an opening shift (after closing last night!). Seemed like a day where I might get something done: ha, to that.

Here's Miss E, being all suspicious of the dragon toy that he'll take her pacifier.

mmm I did manage to bake him a belated cake this morning for his birthday yesterday. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (for those of you who are local and reading this, it's huge so come soon and get a piece). Assuming that it tastes good, as it's a recipe from teh intarwebh.
Emelia watched on, playing on the floor on her mat, and tried to eat her mirror. This game with the mirror continued on most of the day, with me wondering if she really sees herself or is trying to eat the baby she sees in there. Either way, it's hilarious. Occasionally, she grabs at it and it falls on her--yes, it's plastic so not a chance at 7 years' bad luck. (She was not consistently fun today until she finally let out about 2 pounds of luscious poo-stock. ew, yet ahhhhhhh.)

Lately, I've been trying to come to terms with my decisions. I think the best thing will be just for school to start already. Things are in motion: With one friend a definite on watching E during the week, and a couple sitters lined up for interviewing, we are ready in a theoretical sense. I've been dragging on finishing my school prep crap: getting the Hep B, getting the immunization stuff signed off, getting other forms signed off and sent in. I've accomplished a chunk of it, and the rest is in orbit. I guess that I am, at heart, a stay-at-home mom. However, I feel that I can't let myself enjoy it too much, as I'm afraid that I'll balk on day 1 and refuse to go in. This isn't right. I need to enjoy the moments I have; every day is precious. Not that life ends when school (and eventually work) starts. It's just another chapter. A chapter that will provide more depth and focus to our lives.

ah ... the thumb is conquered!

So I get bored. So I don't have everything done yet. So so so. I have had a pretty good summer, getting to know the blob that is becoming my daughter. When I look back, I hope to focus on that, not the stress of school or nursing. Not the worry that she's not gaining enough weight. Not the anger at the pacifier for settling her when I can't. What a waste.
a visit with Linda yesterday

I constantly rotate on an Edit Mode. I regret and review the recent past, or the far-gone past, wanting to change how I did things. Where does that get me? Depressed. What is accomplished? Zilch zippo zero zed. A friend today told me to "Wake up". And she's right. This isn't a dream I'm living, but the now. If I can't get myself to focus on that and enjoy it, then how can I be happy? I've got everything--I always wanted a baby, got the best one ever (bias). I really wanted to get into this program, got it. Wanted a career that is flexible (2 more years!). Wanted a husband who understands me, loves me, likes me--and who knew I'd get that! I even have some awesome friends, and seeing them is always rewarding.

Maybe it is a dream, now that I think about it, so I need to wake up more often to enjoy it.

as the shutter clicked, E spit up all over her proud Daddy